The Stories We Carry: How Core Wounds Can Shape Our Lives
December 6, 2024, Written by Remi Mankes, MHC-LP
Have you ever been caught in emotional loops that feel impossible to break? Maybe it’s a fear of rejection that seems to shadow every relationship or a relentless sense of “not being enough” that seeps into every success. These patterns often aren’t random; they may stem from something deeper—what we call core wounds.
Core wounds are emotional imprints left by experiences that were deeply painful, overwhelming, or invalidating. Though rooted in the past, their impact often lingers, influencing how we view ourselves and navigate the world today.
The good news? Understanding these wounds is the first step toward transforming how they influence your life.
What Are Core Wounds?
Core wounds are not just painful memories; they are the beliefs and feelings that form in response to those moments. These wounds can often stem from unmet needs, abandonment, betrayal, or perceived failures, especially in childhood or adolescence.
For instance, if a caregiver frequently criticized your achievements, you might have internalized the belief, “I’ll never be good enough no matter how hard I try.” It’s not always the event itself that shapes the wound, but the narrative your younger self constructed to make sense of it. Over time, these stories take root and can grow into patterns—ways of being that feel like protection but often create more pain.
Core wounds might manifest as:
Perfectionism that keeps you chasing approval.
Chronic people-pleasing to avoid rejection.
Fear of intimacy that pushes others away before they can hurt you.
Emotional withdrawal as a shield from vulnerability.
How Do Core Wounds Show Up in Daily Life?
These wounds live in our subconscious yet have a significant impact on our lives. They often make themselves known through:
Triggers: Disproportionate emotional reactions, like feeling devastated after a small critique or overly anxious when plans change.
Patterns: Repeated struggles in relationships or cycles of behaviors that seem self-defeating, such as avoiding connection or chasing validation.
Inner Dialogue: A critical voice whispering (or shouting) things like, “I’ll never be enough,” or, “I can’t trust anyone.”
Recognizing these patterns can feel unsettling, but it’s an essential step in cultivating self-awareness. By identifying how these wounds show up, you begin to loosen their grip.
Exploring the Path to Healing
Healing core wounds isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about rewriting your relationship with it. Here are some starting points to consider:
Reflect on the Roots: Take time to notice when you feel stuck or reactive. What emotions arise, and where might they stem from? Journaling or reflecting on these moments can open the door to understanding.
Bring Awareness to Your Inner Voice: Pay attention to the stories you tell yourself. Are they compassionate or critical? What might shift if you gave yourself permission to view things differently?
Get Curious About Your Triggers: Rather than judging your emotional reactions, try asking, “What does this reaction want me to know about myself?”
Create Space for New Narratives: Healing isn’t just about recognizing old patterns—it’s about choosing to write new ones. Small actions, like practicing vulnerability in safe spaces or pursuing activities that align with your values, can begin to shift the narrative.
Seeking support can be a powerful tool here, offering a safe space to explore these layers with guidance and care. But healing can also happen in community—through meaningful conversations, supportive relationships, or even quiet moments of self-compassion.
Why Does Healing Matter?
Core wounds don’t define you, but they can weigh you down. Left unaddressed, they often pull us into cycles of self-doubt, fear, and disconnection. Healing is about breaking those cycles—not by fixing yourself, but by understanding that you were never broken to begin with.
This journey is deeply personal. It’s about reclaiming your worth, challenging outdated beliefs, and allowing yourself to live a life aligned with your true self. It’s not about perfection or rushing the process—it’s about small, meaningful steps toward self-acceptance and emotional freedom.
Each time you choose self-compassion, reach out for support, or take a risk in rewriting your narrative, you’re choosing healing. And while it might not always feel linear, every step forward matters.
So, if you’ve been carrying these wounds, ask yourself: Isn’t it time to start putting them down?
Ready to confront your core wounds head on? Fill out the contact form at https://www.kathrynleetherapy.com/workwithus to book a free consultation with Remi.