Boundaries: The Key to Thriving Relationships with Ourselves and Others
November 1, 2024, Written by Remi Mankes, MHC-LP
When you hear the word boundaries, what comes to mind? You may initially think of walls or barriers, but real boundaries aren’t about separation; they’re about creating spaces that allow us to grow, connect, and show up as our true selves. Boundaries are about recognizing what we need to feel safe, respected, and understood—whether we’re with friends, family, colleagues, or even alone.
Why Boundaries Matter
At their core, boundaries are acts of self-respect. They’re how we say, “This is what I need to feel at my best.” Think of boundaries as the structure that keeps us grounded in our relationships, helping us feel connected without losing ourselves in the process. Without boundaries, we can easily slip into resentment, exhaustion, and even disconnect from the things that matter most to us.
Boundaries help us:
Honor our values.
Communicate our needs and show others how to treat us.
Conserve our energy for what brings meaning and joy.
Bringing Boundaries to Life
Setting boundaries may feel challenging at first, especially if you’re not used to voicing your needs. But the beauty of boundaries is that they’re not about putting up walls; they’re about recognizing what brings us peace and what drains us. Be mindful of moments that leave you feeling uncomfortable or overwhelmed, and think about how you could express your needs in a way that aligns with who you are.
Maybe you’re the go-to person at work, saying “yes” to every request and stretching yourself thin. You value helping others, but it’s starting to impact your personal life. In this case, a boundary might look like committing to leaving work at a certain time or being clear about the support you can realistically provide. Boundaries like these aren’t rigid rules—they’re simple, direct reminders to yourself and others about what you need.
Boundaries with family or friends can also bring balance. Imagine you have a family member who frequently drops by unannounced, disrupting your routine. You enjoy their visits, but the lack of notice can feel intrusive. Setting a boundary here might look like saying, “I’d love to spend time together, but could you call or text before coming over? It helps me make sure I’m available and can be fully present with you.” This way, you’re showing respect for yourself and your family member without closing the door on the relationship.
When setting boundaries, aim for clarity. Instead of apologizing, try a confident but gentle “That doesn’t work for me right now.” People might be surprised initially—especially if they’re used to you always saying “yes”—but those who value you will respect your limits and appreciate your honesty.
Boundaries: Invitations to True Connection
Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting people out; it’s about inviting them to know the real you. By being honest about your needs, you’re creating opportunities for deeper, more balanced relationships. You’re choosing to build a life filled with connections and activities that nurture, not drain, you.
Boundaries enable us to create lives that honor our needs, respect our values, and build relationships based on mutual respect and understanding, and that’s something we all deserve!
Ready to thrive in your relationships? Simply fill out the contact form at https://www.kathrynleetherapy.com/workwithus to book a free consultation with Remi.